My New-ish Job

I work for a very large company. Actually, according to the company brainwashing orientation session, I work for a large mouse who spreads magic all over the world. Actually, I can't complain. I work 3 days a week at Port Canaveral, helping people fill out paperwork, checking them in, or reprinting key cards that didn't print right the first time. I wear an absolutely hideous outfit while doing this. It's ugly, but surprisingly comfortable. In exchange for doing this work, we get crappy pay of $7.69 an hour. However, for just 16 hours a week, I get some basic insurance benefits for me and my son for less than $100 a month, and I get free passes to the Mouse Kingdom parks, for myself and 3 guests (which would cost over $300 in total, per visit), and after six months, I get a cruise, for me and up to three people, FREE. Surprisingly, there's lots of interesting perks available, if one chooses to take advantage of them. For example a coworker of mine is taking classes in American Sign Language, for free, just because she wants to, and the company offers them. It's kinda neat.

This is a big change of pace from my past life as a retail minion. It's a very big adjustment for me. These people aren't angry, they aren't yelling at me, they aren't insinuating that I am stupid (though they often insinuate that my outfit is stupid, and offer their sympathies for my having to wear such a hideous getup). They aren't threatening to take their $50 per week back to Walmart. They're nice. They're mostly happy. The worst I have seen so far is someone who gets just slightly irked for all of five seconds when I have to reprint their card. They are somewhat, and understandably annoyed at all of the paperwork involved in checking in, but they blame that on US Customs and Homeland Security, not us.

I love the kids. There's nothing better than watching a kid seeing that big giant mouse for the first time. They're really adorable. And do you know how excited a small child gets when you give them their very OWN key card, with THEIR name on it, printed right next to that oh so famous duck who has a speech impediment and a slight anger management problem? It's great. They really are a lot of fun.

Now the dress code nazis, they aren't so fun. There's one lady....she's nice, but a bit of a lunatic about dress code. I totally understand the company's need for a high degree of uniformity. I get that they want an unquestionably family friendly look. But I was sent home because they didn't like my red hair. Yes, I dye my hair. No, it was not Manic Panic red. It's just a VERY deep red, and it tends to be a bit brighter right after I dye it. It tones down after a little while. My hair was that color when they hired me. Apparently it was no good three weeks later. Then, every day, there's something wrong with some piece of my wardrobe. Mostly that it doesn't fit me right. These are the pieces they issued me. I cannot help that I am five foot nothing. I cannot help it that I cannot fit my petite frame and somewhat large chest properly into a blazer that was designed for a man. Yes, the sleeves will be too long. Yes, the whole thing will be too large if you expect it to fit around my boobs. I cannot help that the skirt you gave me comes to mid calf on me. Again, I am VERY SHORT. But I did my best. I tucked the sleeves in, until she can order a new blazer (which won't fit). I dyed a medium brown hair color on top of my red to take it down a few notches. I paste on a fake smile that leaves my face hurting.

Hey, at least I got to meet a few celebs. I met Danica Patrick, who is ABSOLUTELY adorable, by the way....she's so tiny, and really nice. She's also incredibly pretty! I met Alfonso Robiero (CARLTON from the Fresh Prince). He's very polite, and his little girls are really just TOO cute. I met Marco Andretti. I also met Gene Simmons. I'm not impressed. He had a fake name on his key card. Dude, you're like six foot four, and your tongue is like two feet long. Like nobody's going to recognize you?! And it will not hurt to be at least slightly polite to the people who are just trying to do their jobs and treat you like a guest. Are you angry that we did not GUSH over you as a celebrity? Too bad! The other celebs seemed to appreciate that.

At least we have good food. It seems like every time I go into work, someone has brought something yummy that I can add to my ever expanding ass. And the lady who did my first day of training...I love her. She's hillarious. She's an older lady. I don't know how old exactly, but she doesn't look as old as she says she is. She swears she's older than my grandmother, who is nearing eighty. She's a sweet christian lady, but can tell a hell of a dirty joke! For example, when I inquired as to what the dress for the annual holiday party in Orlando is, she told me it's dressy, she wears her "geriatric slut dress."

There's a lot of really nice people there. I haven't met anyone I want to slap yet. That's a bonus. There's a lot of older people working there, but a lot of people my age too. I had fifteen people nice enough to let me take their blood pressure during my lunch break today, because I wanted some extra practice. And they ask me every week how school is going. I've been scolded for not bringing in pictures of my son to decorate my locker with yet.

My boss lady seemed genuinely concerned about how I was feeling after staying home sick Saturday (she didn't even want a copy of my doctor's note, she said it wasn't necessary). The only thing she wanted was to know how I was feeling, and for me to promise I would let her know if I wasn't feeling well, and needed to go home, or just needed an extra break during the day.

I feel like I am just waiting to find the horrid part of this job out. There's got to be a bad part doesn't there? Besides the outfit (which had my two best friends practically on the ground laughing) of course.